Don’t Wait on Anyone
Lately, some of my friends have complimented my comfortability with taking myself on adventures. Whether it be having dinner, seeing a show, hiking (high traffic trails only), or traveling, pushing myself to go places and have unshared experiences is one of the best things I’ve done for my confidence. It doesn’t always come naturally, but being temporarily uncomfortable is so worth the freedom of enjoying your own company.
The Origin Story:
If you know me, you know I love fancy drinks. On a Friday night sometime in 2022, I asked a few friends to join me at a cocktail bar I wanted to try. They were all staying in, going downtown (not my vibe this on particular night), or trying to save money. All valid reasons, but I really wanted to try this bar.
I considered how I’d feel sitting at a bar by myself. I didn’t want to be staring at my phone, but I also didn’t want to be staring at the bartenders (creepy!). I opted to bring a book at risk of looking like a pretentious asshole. Reading a book in a dimly lit bar did, in fact, make me look like a pretentious asshole. Life goes on. I was uncomfortable for awhile, but I found my new favorite bar and treated myself to a nice experience after a long week of work. Enjoying a post-work cocktail became something I looked forward to on Fridays. Sometimes I’d talk to the bartenders, meet the person next to me, or bring friends, but I also learned to be content sitting with my thoughts.
I stopped caring that I was alone once I realized that no one else cared that I was alone. When your only company is your own, it’s easy to start focusing on miniscule insecurities that you didn’t know existed. If you can convince yourself that no one is or ever will be paying attention to the way hold your wine glass, how you dance at a concert, or the amount of popcorn you’ve consumed during a movie, you’re free.
Here’s all the good that can come from taking yourself out:
Not missing out just because everyone’s busy
Since that night at my favorite bar, I’ve had many experiences that I wouldn’t have had if I waited on another person to join me. I’ve even found that sometimes I prefer to do things alone, like going to certain concerts. If I beg a friend to come with me to see a musician that they might not particularly love, I worry about whether they’re enjoying the show or regretting leaving home. When I go solo, all I have to do is make sure that I’m having a good time. I also like to see movies in theaters, and going alone has become a regular occurrence for me. If someone else wants to come with, great! If not, I’ll go anyways! You don’t need to be stuck at home just because your friends are busy or have some different interests than you.
Getting to know yourself
Having experiences that aren’t shared with anyone else can force you to be more introspective than usual. For example, if I go on a solo trip, I’m responsible for planning everything that I do rather than following along with someone else’s plan. I have to think a little harder and be more decisive about how I value spending my time and money. I have to fill all the time that I would usually spend yapping to my friends with things like reading, journaling, or just thinking. It’s not often we take the time to explore what’s going on in our beautiful, complex brains without paying a therapist to tell us to. Yes, being alone can get boring, but in a society obsessed with media and instant gratification, sometimes being bored feels good.
Confidence in your independence
Since I’ve gotten comfortable with my own company, I’m not going to settle for the company of people who don’t value me. I don’t care to make plans with people who are only friends due to proximity. Being alone is far better than settling for subpar companionship.
Disclaimer: Please be extra aware of your surroundings when you’re doing anything alone, and don’t be stupid!
Solo adventures are a fantastic growth experience and very empowering. Sometimes I still get nervous to go out and do things by myself or would really prefer if one of my friends were free to join me, but I’ve never regretted doing it anyways.
