Feeling insane? Same, girl

I dated someone recently that asked me “what my crazy looks like.” I opted not to answer. We dated for three months, and he disappeared once I confessed that I wanted a relationship. In hindsight, I wish I would have given him a taste of what my “crazy” looks like. I should have said whatever came to my mind because really, what did I have to lose? Instead, I chose my words carefully and held my tongue when I wanted to say anything I considered to be risky.

After he disappeared, I sent him what I considered to be a short, respectful text saying that being ignored hurts more than honesty. What did I get in return? A half ass apology that sounded like it was written by Chat GPT. Come to find out, I was giving him too much credit: I asked Chat GPT how it would recommend apologizing to the message I sent, and it was much more sincere-sounding than his apology to me.

So why was I trying to be so nice when he couldn’t be bothered? Why did I want so badly to keep him from thinking he “dodged a bullet” if I had said something crazier, something more raw? Why did I feel it imperative to remain calm and brief when expressing my feelings?

My feelings have not been calm, nor have they been brief. They’ve been raging, loud, violent, and depressing. The world sucks right now, and being ghosted by someone I liked didn’t help. I know that I’m projecting my anger with the US and with the world onto a 3 month relationship, but it’s easier to be mad at something that has a light at the end of the tunnel (I’ll get over it) than something I have no control over and can see no end for (politics, war, etc.).

Wanting to act crazy seems like a pretty sane response to life’s recent circumstances. I like to end these on a positive note, but I can’t think of anything other than if you’re thinking about getting a cat, you should get one. If you’re thinking about screaming from the rooftops because everything seems bad, you should do that. If posting online about getting ghosted by your ex-situationship makes you feel a little better, what the hell! Might as well do it.

To the guy I’m mad at:

You might not care, but in case you’re worried about me hating you and manifesting horrible things for your life: I don’t and I won’t. I don’t have anything bad to say about you other than it was disrespectful to ghost me and your apology sucked. Also, don’t say “I wish you well in life.” What you meant was “please fuck off forever,” and I would have preferred that. If you didn’t think I was crazy before but you do now, it doesn’t matter to me.

Finally, this whole thing that I wrote is about you, but it isn’t really about you. It’s about me, and it’s about being pissed off at everything- So don’t let it give you an ego boost because, like I said, I’m not that sad.